Seeing a Broadway show: This is the greatest day of my life!
When the show ends: I’ll never be happy again
Seeing a Broadway show: I did not live until today
When the show ends: How can I live when we are parted?
(Source: , via ruinedchildhood)
I PUT THE HOUSECAT OUTSIDE FOR TWO GODDAMN MINUTES AS A JOKE AND HE COMES RUNNING IN WITH A SNAKE IN HIS MOUTH
OH SHIT THE SNAKE IS STILL ALIVE
THE SNAKE HAS GONE INTO THE LAUNDRY ROOM AND IM ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS
SNAKE HAS BEEN RELEASED IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD IN A PANICKED, THROWING MOTION
"Fucking put me outside again, bitch. See what happens." -My Asshole Cat